


The Cracktastic Adventures of Sam and Kurt

by dementedsymphony



Category: Glee
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Kum forever, Like seriously wtf, M/M, Pure Crack, Sam was supposed to be gay, Written many many many moons ago, her pen name on ff.net is Ashieluffshue, was co-written by my friend Ashie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 18:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6670666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dementedsymphony/pseuds/dementedsymphony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There really is no ryhme or reason. In a perfect world this fic wouldn't even exsist. We were just bored on AIM and this is the result. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cracktastic Adventures of Sam and Kurt

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to post my fics from fanfiction.net. Hope you guys enjoy :)

*Kurt opened the cabinet and all that was there were a box of Wheaties*

Sam: Brain fart

Kurt: Hahaha xD

Sam: What you never get those? They aren't stinky well, not all of them

Kurt:Nope. I never get them (x /waves hand in front of nose xD

Sam: Oh come on, everyone gets them! I bet yours smells like roses ;)

Kurt: Well, maybe they do, but you'll never know xD

Sam: Soo if you don't have brainfarts, what kind do you have?

Kurt: I'd rather not share that, sorry

Sam: Comeon dude I told you mine

Kurt:Yours wasn't so embarrassing

Sam: O.o

Kurt:What? Don't give me the judging look!

Sam: So if you won't talk about your farts will you talk about I dunno OOOH, I can burp the alphabet!

Kurt: Ew! Only you can do that!

Sam: Nah, Puck and Finn one time did the national anthem

Kurt: o.O

Sam: Was pretty cool

Kurt: Of course it was *eye roll*

Sam: :-) I knew you'd agree!

Kurt: Mhmmm... of course I would. By the way, your roots are showing!

Sam: I don't dye my hair dude *shifty eyes*

Kurt: Yeah and I don't wear clothes designed by Alexander McQueen *eye roll*

Sam: Who?

Kurt: A British designer who made very pretty clothes

Sam: Why would you buy from some british dude when there are children in Indonesia working for pennies a day and thier clothes cost like half the price in Wal-Mart

Kurt: Oh whoa. Calm down o.O So I'm guessing your clothes are from Wal-Mart?

Sam: What? Seriously my bullesye shirt cost me 10 and I'm sure some lucky kid got 1.2 cents of that money. It's my way of helping the world.

Kurt: *tear* You make me proud *hugs*

Sam: *Kurt's hugging me! SCORE!*

Kurt: Aw! You like me! Your gay is showing, Sam!

Sam: My gay was always showing. You just had to know where to look *I can be very deep like a Cullen. WORD*

Kurt: Oh my gosh you're a Cullen! So you have pointy fangs?

Sam: Umm, no. But I do secretly sparkle in the sunlight. And I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to geico.

Kurt: I know you sparkle *blushes and swoons* And oh my gosh! Gieco saved me money too! And did you know that wood chucks actually chuck wood? o.O

Sam: Wow. I didn't. Did Sally ever find those shells down by the seashore she was looking for

Kurt: She did! And she shared them with me!

Sam: Really? She said that she would save some for me *pout*

Kurt: I could share mine. But only if you make out with me! *devious grin*

Sam: Wow, you drive a hard bargain. *Instant mint spray attack*

Kurt: WHY DON'T YOU WANT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *cries*

Sam: O.O Dude why you freakin I'm just searching for my tail

Kurt: /tilts head

Kurt: Are you one of those blue creatures with tails from that one movie which made billions of dollars but is actually very shitty and boring and looks like a combination of Pocahontas meets Smurfs?

Sam: Ummm, only if it turns you on. If it doesn't I'm more than happy to be a jelly filled donut

Kurt: Ewww... no! They are fugly! But you'll make me fat!

Sam: DANG IT YOUR SO PRISSY! WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU LIKE ME! MY CREYS!

Kurt: YOU HAVE TO WORK HARDER THAN THAT! I'M A FREE BITCH, BABY!

Sam: BUT I WAS BORN THIS WAY!

Kurt: AND I'M IN LOVE WITH JUDAS!

Sam: But but I want to take a ride on your disco stick!

Kurt: WELL, SHOW ME YOUR TEETH

Sam: But boy your a monster!

Kurt: And you be my paparazzi

Sam: I wanna be your bad romance

Kurt: Blaine already is. Sorry

Sam: *pout* Boys boys boys

Kurt: Yes, I only like boys. These days I'm going for the dapper ones because the jocks are heartbreakers! MY ETERNAL CREYS

Sam: I'm a dream maker I swear just give me a chance Kurt! What does dapper have that I don't?

Kurt: That's what she said!

Sam: .

Kurt:Balls to come out of Narnia. While you are stuck there and will freeze to death -.-

Sam: *whispers* How will I get around the White witch?

Kurt: Brain fart on her Duh! Winning!

Sam: You are so smart

Kurt: Of course I am

Sam: My brain farts dont work on her! What do I do now?

Kurt: RUN BITCH RUN!

Sam: Momma said these shoes will take me anywhere

Kurt: Then bring yourself to me! And just come with the shoes on

Sam: *Closes eyes and leaps*

Kurt: OHMIGOSH YOU'RE HERE! /FLAILS

Sam: I told you I would *dashing smile*

Kurt: Y-you made it out of Narnia! My happy creyyyssss *tackles you into a hug*

Sam: There there, there there. No more dappers for you cuz I'm a free bitch baby

Kurt: Dapper, who? o.O

Sam: *My jedi mind tricks are working already*

Kurt: Who's this Jedi and why is she on your mind? Humph!

Sam: YOU CAN READ MY MIND? O.o

Kurt: YES I CAN! AND GASP! I CAN SEE QUINN THERE. MY NEVER ENDING CREYSSSS

Sam: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK I SWEAR!

Kurt: THAT BITCH! WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T? I EVEN HAVE A DICK

Sam: She's just um cleaning

Kurt: I CAN ALSO GIVE YOU BABIES!

Sam: SUPER SPERM! MY LOVE!

Kurt: ONLY IF YOU HAVE THE SUPER SPERM, IF YOU DON'T THEN I'LL HAVE TO GO TO PUCK SO WE CAN MAKE BABIES

Sam: I want your babies Kurt! I will travel to the ends of the earth in search of this super sperm

Kurt: You either have it or you don't!

Sam: I do! I swear!

Kurt: LET'S HAVE SEX TO FIND OUT!

Sam: Bought it off ebay a year ago *searches room* It's here somewhere

Kurt: Bought what?

Sam: The super sperm

Kurt: o.O

Sam: It was buy one get one

Kurt: AHHH... WELL FIND IT QUICK! I'M ALL NAKED AND LONELY HERE

Sam: *DAMMIT WHERE IS DAT SHIT!*

Kurt: I'M PICKING UP MY PHONE TO CALL PUCK, SAM!

Sam: *FUCK*

Kurt: DID YOU FIND IT?

Sam: *Light shines and angels sing* FOUND IT

Kurt: YAY!

Sam: *drinks it* 1 UP!

Kurt: NOW GET IN HERE, COWBOY!

Sam: YEEEEEHAWWWWWW! (ok wtf?)

Kurt: YOU ARE SO SMEXYYYY, SAMMYYYY... OUR BABIES WILL BE BEAUTIFUL!

Sam: *Insert witty Nav'i here*

Kurt: I don't understand Na'vi!

Sam: *sniffle* YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!

Kurt: OF COURSE I DO! WE JUST HAD SEX! YOU USED ME! *WAILS*

Sam: O.o I gave my life for you!

Kurt: Liesssssssssssssssssss I want a divorce! Now!

Sam: NO! No means no!

Kurt: WELL, I WANT IT! SO GIVE IT!

Sam: *Pulls down pants* Come and get it!

Kurt: *LOOKS AT SAM LIKE AN AWESTRUCK PUPPY*

Sam: Yeah, that's right!

Kurt: I WANT YOU INSIDE ME! NOWWW!

Sam: I'mma tap dat ass

Kurt: YES, BABY!

Sam: LEMME RIDE THAT DONKEY DONKEY!

Kurt: I'M NOT A DONKEY! HOW DARE YOU!

/PULLS UP PANTS AND WALKS AWAY ANGRILY

Sam: What? It's a good song!

Kurt: I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT

Sam: It's because I'm old school. *does cabbage patch then busts down to do crybaby*

Kurt: YOU CALLED ME A DONKEY

Sam: It means baby got back.

Kurt: WHY AM I WITH YOU? MY NEVER ENDING CREYS

Sam: Because I love you Kurt

Kurt: OUR BABY WILL BE A DORK LIKE YOU O.O AWWWW

Sam: Let's hope so

Kurt: I LOVE YOU TOO, SAMMYYYY

Sam: Now shake what you momma gave ya

Kurt: He'll be a fashionable dork (x

Sam: My happy creys

Kurt: My momma ): YOU'RE LIKE DAPPER, BRINGING MY MOMMA INTO A CONVERSATION

Sam: yeah shake it don't break it took yo momma 9 months to make it

Kurt: HE COMPARES MY MOMMA TO A BIRD

Sam: Free bird?

Kurt: NO! DEAD BIRD! MY DEPRESSED, NEVER ENDING CREYS

Sam: Ummmm*rubs back* There there?

Kurt: Let's bury dapper with the bird!

Sam: Can I shave his eyebrows first?

Kurt: Sure why not.

Sam: *fist pumps air*

After ditching the body Sam and Kurt rode off on a unicorn into the rainbowy sunset and had lots of gay sex.

(Thankfully) The End

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so so so sorry, lol


End file.
